Chilled Survival Mode

Oh goodness, I love to plan. Like, I knew I really liked it, but wow, it's survival for me. Basically, Katie Beth left and by lunch time I was an unfeeling planning machine. As I stood in the lunch park eating my baguette sandwich (which was amazing), I wasn't bemoaning life. Although she had just left a few hours earlier, I felt like it had been days, even weeks since we had spent time together. A very weird feeling.

Remember that strangely adaptable part I mentioned at the beginning of this trip? Here it is again. I found myself slipping into another way of living London life without so much as a hiccup. Mind you, though, that was after she left. I will rise to whatever a situation requires of me, be it hanging out every night or figuring my own night's entertainment. I don't like anticipating the change, but when required I can definitely make it happen.

And so there I was, trusty messenger bag slung across my shoulder, arms crossed, pondering the five weeks I have left before leaving. I imagine the quiet exterior disguised what was happening underneath-- a delightful race as my mind rushed to figure out details. I love it when my head does that. I almost just sit back and watch it work through the big picture. Blazingly fast, searching every nook and corner for possible actions. Before I knew it, I had a plan for a plan (oh goodness, Laura Beth)! I was going to stay in the flat for the weekend.

But before I tell that story, let me relate this Yank's celebrations of July the 4th. Two days after we arrived, I declared we were going to The Texas Embassy and then somebody else thought up going to the Hard Rock Cafe for the Fourth. Brilliant! Wow, that doesn't seem all that long ago. Guess it was though 'cause the Fourth was definitely last Friday. Anyways, we managed to get a table at the Hard Rock Cafe (I'd never been to one before) amidst all the other celebrants. I ordered a Pepsi (they didn't carry Coke, goodness), a chocolate milkshake (the shake was actually not terribly runny, unlike most London shakes), and the 'legendary Hard Rock Cafe burger.' Oh my, it was glorious. I got all 10 oz of the burger down and most of the fries--which I dipped in the milkshake. Again, amazing!

I fairly grinned as I took the weighty sandwich in both my hands and took a (giant) bite. Wow. That's right, I'm an American. And I'm in London celebrating my country's awesomeness. I really like how being abroad has kinda jump-started my patriotism. I asked Katie Beth to bring me a US flag from the States so I could put it on my postcard wall. It hangs there amidst all the cards featuring UK sites I've visited.

Probably one of the coolest parts of that evening was when I told my flatmates that Katie Beth had left earlier that day they were amazed that Session II was already over. It's nice to know that people feel like a good chunk of time has passed.

I got back to the flat to try to webcam with my family while they were in Florida celebrating my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, but we couldn't get the blasted thing to work. Arg. It was both sad and frustrating. Plus, I was getting down to the last £1.40 on my phone, and it costs 4p a minute to call the States. But then it was off to bed to sleep away the troubles and get focused for the awesome planning marathon.

And sleep I sure did! What with doing stuff with KB for the past weekdays I had been staying up until midnight-ish most nights. Getting up at 6 really tends to cut your sleep time pretty quickly. Friday night I was in bed by 10:30 PM and slept until 10:30 AM. It was glorious. I didn't have to set an alarm to be anywhere for a day of activity. All I had to do was get up and get some breakfast. Ahhhh.

Then my favorite part! The planning! I sat down and made a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish-- blog, letters, emails, recipes, groceries, new Tube pass, top up the phone, weekend sight-seeing plans, evening activities. (So on Friday I had actually been making plans to make a plan to make plans. Definitely rocking my life.) And then I set about doing them! I ran errands, found recipes, made grocery lists, and wrote a blog entry. Funny thing, it took most of the day to do all that. But no worries, I was 'taking care of life'-- basically getting everything in order. I like having all my ducks in a row as best I can arrange them.

I couldn't tell you what I had been eating for supper the past four weeks, but I can say that tonight I fixed glazed pork chops accompanied by rice with basil and salad. And, I even had Melissa over to share supper, and she brought over some excellent shortbread (which I now very much like, thanks to an introduction by Katie Beth in Inverness) to eat. It was so wonderful to sit down to a tasty meal that actually looked nice ('fancy' as one of my flatmates called it). Interestingly, I'm beginning to notice a bit of self-satisfaction when I cook. One of my favourite parts is knowing I've prepared something that would have cost me double or triple at a restaurant. Sweet!

But anyways, back to the weekend. On Saturday night, I cooked a spicy beef/veggie frozen pizza and plopped myself down in front of the flat's computer to watch "James Bond: Diamonds Are Forever." Fantastic. I haven't just chilled and watched a movie since watching "Kate & Leopold" so many weeks ago (and on the laptop too! :( ) I was a little bummed Katie Beth and I never got to watch a full movie, but I figure you can watch movies anywhere so no worries. I still carry over a bit of my family's Friday night tradition of eating pizza and watching a movie. It's still a little weird not to eat pizza on Friday night, so I try to make do with what I've got. It was nice just to relax, chill.

The next morning I went to church and met a gal from Louisiana State University who was visiting for the first time. She arrived on Tuesday, so it was nice to talk to her. Plus, the church was celebrating July birthdays with a lunch upstairs, so we got food! Again, a little bummed not to have Katie Beth (or Melissa for that matter) sitting beside me. But it was more of a "Ah, those were good times when we went to church" rather than the typical bemoaning life dialogue. Seriously, it's the weirdest thing. If you'd talked to me this weekend, you'd have a hard time believing she'd just left on Friday. It's like I wiped it all from my present life-- it's all memories, not really part of the present. Survival mode, I think. It's like my brain decided the only way it was gonna make the next five weeks happen was by perceiving the past four weeks as so very far, far away.

So my head doesn't think in terms of Katie Beth and me running off for the weekend anymore. That thought process in not helpful. *laughs* I even thought of it in terms of Borg-- it is irrelevant to my current concerns. Cold, but as I said, in response to a rather random bout of emotions I turned all unemotional. Again, survival. It's impossible to keep running on fear, regret, and sadness. Plus, the tears just had to go. Gotta turn around at some point even if that means turning rather frigid for a little while.

I don't feel much right now. Mostly I'm concerned with making sure I have food to eat for the coming week, activities to take up my time in evenings, and plans for sight-seeing on the weekend. It's like all the bad feelings have been walled up, shut away just enough so I can't access them unbidden. But if I really think about it, or look at pictures, a trickle starts. I know it will quickly turn into a stream, so I let it run just long enough to give flavour and depth to the happy memories that I allow out at the same time. Ah, to savour. Soon, perhaps in a few weeks.