Standing Ground

Now that I've gotten to today, I'm not terribly inclined to relate the positive aspects of my job. Mostly 'cause I figured out they're all derived from negatives. Le sigh. Oh well, here's a look:

Business is necessarily a huge field. It seeps into all of life because the very act of living requires transactions, which are the heart of business. Typically, business has main divisions and some of the most common are Information Technology, Marketing, Finance, and Human Resources. A college student only capable of two, maybe three, internships before graduation really has to focus his search to figure out just what he'd like to go into.

That said, I need experiences to help me narrow down the field. Pro Capital markets hedge funds, which are financial products. The company (remember, put that in quotes) hits two of those divisions I just mentioned- it has taught me things about finance and marketing, namely, that I don't like either, but it's especially helpful to know that finance isn't quite the cup of tea I imagined it to be. I enjoy number application (i.e. through graphs and models), but finance is so utterly impersonal. The ratios, statistics, and rates do mean things, but they represent nebulous blobs of business activity. I like more readily tangible signs of work.

People are so much more interesting than numbers. I like to figure out people, especially when they become interesting to me. Not everyone is interesting. Quirks in personalities, hot button issues with a personal twist, motivations, desires, and the list goes on. I like answering the question 'Why?' Why does a person do this or that at this time in this way and in this place? I like secret things, characteristics beneath a person's surface.

Anyways, that's kinda side tracking off into something non-business related. That's also enough positive for now (Just one, Laura Beth? Oh, there are more, I think, but I can't and don't have the inclination to think them up right now), let me rant a while about the Ukraine meeting.

So on Monday Oliver asked if I would like to sit in on a meeting with two fund managers from the Ukraine. I said I would, and then settled back into whatever I was doing. But before he went back to his desk he told me that I should introduce myself as a research analyst, tell them I've been working at Pro Capital for "quite a while", and give a general impression that I'm a permanent employee. I flat out told him "Oliver, I won't lie. I also won't declare my internship status, but I won't lie." Oooooh, that got to me. He wanted me to pretend to be a permanent employee. If you want that Mr. Boss, hire one! Don't run through unpaid interns every three months. You will not use me like that. During my lunch break I went to a sandwich shop and bought a chocolate cookie bar thing to help assuage my indignation.

Consequently, I don't feel the least bit of remorse when I waste time at work. The only thing keeping me at work is the recommendation letter I'm getting out of this and that I will receive a grade for the internship. Otherwise, I'd high-tail it outta there and go do some sight-seeing.

I've found that when I get frustrated at work I put my hands on my hips. I've done that a few times in the past two days. Oh Oliver, goodness.

A while ago, he asked us to find private equity fund of funds on Google because Bloomberg doesn't have a search option for that. So we did. But see here folks, Google is an internet search engine, certainly not a hedge fund database. So when we finally got an email back from a fund today, Oliver was quite irate that we didn't have information besides an email address for the company. Ray, my fellow intern, tried bumbling through a vague explanation. I would have none of that, though, because I had spent two days pushing my honed Google skills to the max just to bring in maybe twenty email address. My hands went to my hips.

*stern voice on*
"Oliver, you asked us to find email addresses. We found email addresses."
Oliver looks up and puts his hand to his forehead in a salute.
"Aye, aye captain."

That's right, back off. We did our job just as you had asked. Oh I wanted to throttle him. Google can't work wonders for your business! You gotta pay for that stuff! Goodness. That was probably the most intense I've gotten with Oliver. Funny thing is, about ten minutes later after a mildly intense discussion he apologizes and/or thanks/praises us for the work we're doing. By the end of today, his effusive mannerisms were approaching what he uses on Una, his assistant.

I learned confidence in my work at the pharmacy. When you're working with drugs, money, and people you have to be sure of ever step you take and be readily available to defend your actions should a problem arise. Tracey, the yelling, impossible-to-please pharmacist, never once raised his voice at me. When I'm working now I don't back down easily nor do I take criticism personally. I stand my ground.

But looking all buff is only necessary on occasion. For the past few days I have had to do some work, which is mildly annoying. If I'm not on the internet, I'm looking at the Outlook calendar counting down days. There isn't a day that passes when I don't think about going home. Sure, it isn't the gnawing of before, but I still think about leaving a lot. Sometimes I even make pie graphs with an online generator (though I could probably use Excel if I was bored enough). I try not to talk about it much, but ask (though you couldn't as just about everyone reading this is in the States- I think) how many days I have left and I'll have a swift answer, even with a rough estimate of the hours. Next Tuesday is a special day. On that day I enter the teens for the total days I have left and the single digits for the days of work remaing. Every morning when I sit at the table in our kitchen before my tea, milk, orange, and toast, I thank God for bringing me through another day. I'm not sad, just waiting.