London's weather reflects my mood

A storm, eh? Yep, sure was/is. Perhaps not huge or devastating by any means, but something to work through nonetheless.

Here's the deal. I can't stand non-growth. Things that do not grow, change, or somehow show a positive benefit for the time they have existed (people, plants, couches, fake teeth, whatever) frustrate me to no end. Existing without becoming better in some way, whatever that way is, seems entirely wasteful. But, on the other hand, I crave security. Growth requires change. To grow a lot, you must change a lot. Changing means that your current status must change. You cannot remain in the same situation, mental, physical, spiritual, what have you, and still grow. Blargh.

How does this play out? Well, let me tell ya.

Basically, I love opposites. I love security, one end of the spectrum, but I love growth which requires change, the other end of the spectrum. I can't have both. Going to either end makes me either stagnant or continuously unsettled. Moderation is key but difficult because the line is so very difficult to find, and even then life circumstances can prevent the changes you desire.

I love the metaphor my dad told me when I first moved away to college. He told me I had become like a rootbound plant, one that has grown too big for its pot. The plant must be transplanted in order for it to continue growing to its potential. But the laborious move is not without trial for the plant. First, it must survive the initial change and then establish itself in its new surroundings. Finally, it can begin to grow more, perhaps even after a brief refraction period.

Truman was my first pot. Ack, that wasn't fun. The first few weeks were very tough emotionally, but I knew I could get through them what with my God-sent roommate and the wonderful support network I was beginning to build at the BSU. Everything was in place, and I knew it. It would just take time to adjust to the new life. And I did! Over time, Ryle 148 and later Missouri 4105 became my house, and my friends became my family. I created a new thriving life for my new pot.

I was set. And I was stagnating. I started taking those precious blessings for granted; I became bored and uninterested. How contemptible. *shakes head* I was an idiot. In my disinterest, I searched for something new, something different. A summer and internship in London? Great, I'll take it!

Wow, not now. Wonderful torrent of cold reality drenched me on Friday. Welcome to London, Laura Beth! You know no one and this time you don't know the city, the customs, the people, the Tube, the classes, the roads, the food, the money, and even your own schedule. You cannot see your family (except via webcam) for the next three months. Your friends are all back in the states. It's going to be difficult for you to attend church, at least for a while. Hey, you can't even get your ATM card to work so you're also basically cashless (new one on the way, though. I took out a cash advance on my credit card to tide me over and will be paying it off immediately online). G'luck, dear.

Yep, that's how I started this trip. A little down and out, but things are beginning to look up. My flatmates are nice, level-headed gals and we've formed a big group to go out and do things (Natural history museum, supper out, perhaps a trip outside London this weekend). The support network is beginning to form, not in the way it had at Truman, but it's still taking shape nonetheless. Late night blogging parties, deep-bellied laughs on the way to a restaurant, figuring out the Tube, anally keeping rats out of our flat. Experiencing London life together. It builds. Thank you, God. Thank you.

So on Saturday the weather in London was cloudy with a bit of light rain throughout the day. Laura Beth was much the same. Gloom and doom with a healthy dose of moisture in the eyes. Perhaps jet lag contributed some...Regardless, that day has passed and today along with it. Day by day I know the process will become easier. At first, they days are so long. But just as they continued to speed up at school, I imagine they will be much the same here (perhaps in a much shorter time period). Thank you for your continued prayers. This time is a difficult but necessary one. Takes a lot of discomfort to get out of a lot of stagnation. I love being forced to lean on God. It's a strange sort of beautiful pain.

This has been my most comforting verse, given to me by both my mother and grandmother. Wise women.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
- Deuteronomy 31:8